Anyone that has experienced the heartache of being in a dysfunctional relationship understands the pain that is generated from giving someone your all, only to have that person openly reject it and you in such a way that leaves mental and emotional scarring. This mental and emotional trauma often gives way to anger, hostility, and disdain for the individual that caused the pain. It also lessens the chance of the person scorned of entering and sustaining in type of healthy relationship moving forward. The person that caused the trauma now has to live with the fact that they have created a new person. One that will lack compassion and empathy. One that will now look upon every person with the side eye and will never give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Only until they allow themselves to open their hearts again and receive the love and compassion they had once sought; will they be able to heal.
This dysfunctional relationship began with our arrival to our first date. We were naïve and forced into an abusive relationship where we were beaten and killed. In the beginning we believed everything we were told. As a result, we lost those that were intimately tied to our souls. In this relationship, we have NEVER had the opportunity to take the lead, in by which we could set the rules of the union. We only seem to make our partner happy when we blindly do what we were told with no questions or voicing grievances. When we finally understand the rules of the relationship and adjust so that we could benefit from it, our partner changes the rules and does everything in her power to ensure that I never understand the rules with the goal of keeping us subservient.
We continue to try to make this a great relationship by continuing to give more and more in hopes that one day she will simply say, thank you and I love you. However, that never comes. We continue to receive more demands on our time, energy, love, dedication, and most of all, loyalty. If someone disrespects her, we are Johnny on the spot in defending her, sometimes to the death. We do this with a perpetual hope that one day, she will see us differently. Maybe she will stop looking at us like we are strangers and start looking at us like she knows who we are and show some gratitude. However, like always, she never appreciates the things that we do, she simply expects more until one day, it becomes too much for us to handle.
Everyone has a breaking point. We all hit those breaking points at different places in the relationship. However, one thing is for certain, once we have hit that breaking point, there is a point of no return. We will never feel how we once felt and this becomes problematic. This describes the black man’s relationship with America. We have tried to love this country despite its constant emotional, mental, and physical beatdown. We can no longer approach this country with our arms wide open, seeking an embrace, only to be punched, kicked, and spat on. Although our contributions to this country are deeply rooted in its overall wealth, we have endured the deeply rooted psychological, emotional, and mental manipulation. We have tried to assimilate as best as we could, to no avail. We have been lied about and upon with visceral that is beyond comprehension. There is an all-out war on black men and we have had enough. We are done asking “why don’t you love us?” We have to decide what our next course of action will be!
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